A marriage is truly consummated with the first passive-aggressive argument you have with an in-law.

— JennyPentland GED (@JennyPentland) May 21, 2013

my father-in-law asked me what stops me from not stealing, or lying, or cheating, or murdering if I don't read the Bible and that's when I realized… my father-in-law? should not stop reading the Bible

— Atsuko Okatsuka (@AtsukoComedy) April 4, 2021

Ugh. I have to get drunk every time I'm around my in-laws just so they know I'm not pregnant.

— Kendra Alvey 👻 (@Kendragarden) August 21, 2014

My kids could fart and my father-in-law would be like, “Great job! Here’s five bucks.”

— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 20, 2020

They say violence doesn’t solve problems, but then you tell me what I’m supposed to do when my in-laws scrape their forks on their plates?

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) February 10, 2020

Apparently my mother-in-law asked my husband if our daughter had "gone through her metamorphosis yet" and like, I wanted to scream YES SHE IS NOW A GIANT COCKROACH

— Elle M. (they/them) (@ellle_em) June 22, 2020

In-laws are God's way of showing you that no matter how fucked up your own family is, it could be so much worse.

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) August 9, 2014

My MIL talks a lot of shit for having a son I’m still raising.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 9, 2019

Politics would never ruin the relationship I have with my father-in-law. Sports did that for us a long time ago.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) September 30, 2020

at the end of the Disney Robin Hood movie King Richard says, “it appears that I now have an outlaw for an in-law,” and I’ve thought about that joke approx once a week since I was 7

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 27, 2020

Mother in law: Why don’t you guys join us for lunch?

Me: Today? We can’t.

Mother in law: Why?

Me: Oh, because I don’t want to.

Ha! I showed her…I think to myself as I drive to lunch at the in-laws.

— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) February 11, 2019

I don’t like who I become when I’m solving my in-law’s technology problems over the phone

— The Dad (@thedad) June 1, 2019

I hear the soundtrack to "Requiem for a Dream" play in my head whenever we pull into my in-law's driveway.

— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) November 24, 2011

Winner, winner – turkey dinner!

-me remembering my in-laws are too far away to come for Thanksgiving.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 25, 2019

I gotta marry someone with a cool family. I’m tryna get lit with my in laws

— Strip4Jon 🌟 0.6% (@Strip4Jon) February 16, 2021

The real hero this holiday season is my three year old who has told my MIL to be quiet several times.

— Marissa 🖤 (@michimama75) December 26, 2019

MIL: You have to teach them really young to pick up after themselves

Me: *watching my husband take off his socks and leave them in the middle of the living room*

— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) January 8, 2020

When your toddler asks why you don't wear glasses like daddy and grandma the answer is not "superior genetics", at least not in front of your MIL

I know this now

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) January 5, 2021

I pray I marry into a good family cause I don't have time for problematic in laws

— NK🌹✨ (@ALLEON_K) December 21, 2020

My in-laws gave me body wash for Christmas.

I wouldn't have thought anything of it, except that my mother-in-law attached a note that said, "I did NOT pick this out."

So apparently my father-in-law thinks I stink.

Thanks, Bill.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 26, 2020

I have found my personal hell and it is an email from the in-laws, subject: Zoom Thanksgiving activity sign-ups.

— 🥴steph🥴 (@eff_yeah_steph) November 14, 2020

I don't know why my in-laws feel qualified to give me parenting advice.
After all, I live with the results of their efforts and it's nothing to brag about.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 5, 2019

I’m trying to convince my Seattle in-laws the new travel ban means we can’t visit them this summer.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) June 28, 2017

*visits in-laws*

So good to see you guys!

I'm sure. When are you going to have a baby?

*throws smoke bomb, vanishes into thin air*

— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) March 20, 2015

Mom can you come pick me up? My in-laws are being racist again

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 6, 2020

[2pm Sunday]

MIL: *gestures at my cup* it’s too late for coffee, is that decaf?

Me: *looks down at my cup of tequila* yup

— Just J (@junejuly12) June 3, 2019

I’ve known my MIL for 14 years, she’s in her mid-60’s. I just found out she can burp on command.

She’s one of the sweetest and classiest women I know…and now she’s the coolest.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) November 11, 2018

MIL: “When are you going to shave that disgusting beard?”

Me: “Yours or mine?”

— Bart (@bartandsoul) December 12, 2020

Texted "I'm thinking of young guys" instead of "I'm thinking of you guys." Oh well, my in-laws will know what I meant.

— Kendra Alvey 👻 (@Kendragarden) May 10, 2014

Maybe the people camping out in Black Friday lines just really needed an excuse to get away from their in-laws.

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) November 23, 2012

My in-laws are caroling people. Not like go to people’s houses caroling, but like sit around the piano and sing. It’s a lot. Who even knows the words to Mary Did You Know?

My in-laws, that’s who. And if you don’t know, there’s sheet music, heathen.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 25, 2019

[out to eat with in-laws]

Me: Waiter, your cheapest bottle of champagne

Wife: Hey these are my parents

Me: Waiter, 4 glasses of tap water

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 13, 2015

Spent the last four hours cleaning the house for the inlaws and decided it would have been easier and less sweaty to just file for divorce.

— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) July 2, 2014

DANNY drives w/ INLAW.
INLAW: I was sure the store was here on the left.
DANNY: You were also sure Mexico would pay for the wall.
(silence)

— Danny Zuker (@DannyZuker) April 24, 2017

Getting ready to visit the inlaws

*shotguns bottle of wine*

Ok, I'm ready now.

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) November 28, 2013

desperately hoping to acquire and eat a five guys cheeseburger and then hide all evidence before my MIL shows up to judge, but I think that damn lingering fry smell is going to give me away

— Nicole Chung 정수정 (@nicolesjchung) July 27, 2019

As the MIL is mid story…

2yo: Daddy!! Daddy!!! Daddy!!!!

Me: Baby, grandma is talking, can we be polite please?

2yo: But daddy, grandma is always talking!!

*Love you kiddo*

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) August 3, 2019

My MIL is stopping by soon. I'm torn between wanting to clean and wanting to prevent another visit.

— Meg the Magnificent (@meghaffer) May 24, 2018

(At grocery store w/ inlaws)
Mil: is this your cart?
Me: the one with my children in it?
Mil: yea
Me: …. Yes. That's my cart.

Xanax- stat

— Marl (@Marlebean) November 13, 2013

My FIL just came out of the bathroom and said (in all seriousness), “whew, now I know how women feel after giving birth!”

And like, he was nice and all, but he’s now dead to me.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) December 6, 2019

Is it a bad sign that the photo from my wedding that my inlaws wanted as a framed X-Mas gift doesn't include me? #fb

— W. Kamau Bell (@wkamaubell) December 23, 2009

I texted my husband about all the sex I’m expecting for my birthday and accidentally sent it to my MIL. She just responded that she’s already made other plans that day.

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 27, 2019

I love my Mil but not scroll through 5000 vacation photos on her phone Love her

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) August 23, 2019

The best cure for insomnia is an in-law's litany of health woes.

— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) June 23, 2011

Are we all taking notes on how to not be the horrible in-laws we complain about, or are we just planning on continuing the cycle

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) October 22, 2019