Last couple of blogs have been about non-attachment and boundaries…..
And I woke up this morning feeling quite heavy in my heart.
Aside: WTF is with me only sleeping 5 hours a night at the mo? Is this how other people operate as their norm?
I am a 10 hour a night gal usually!
Pretty sure it’s because ‘mi enamorado’ is in another timezone – so it’s hopefully just a temporary thing – but Nespresso are doing pretty well out of it, I can tell you!
Anyway – I digress…..
Heavy vs light…..
Now even though the topics of non-attachment and boundaries are actually really all about NOT feeling heavy, about feeling light and free, I feel that they kinda could be interpreted as being….
Anti-connection
Anti-love
And so I want to talk more about that.
Because actually as said, I believe that having these ideas in place actually makes for deeper love, and deeper connection.
Let me explain…
When you have boundaries about what you allow and do not allow in to your life, and when you are not attached to the idea of relationships, for relationship’s sake – the relationships you DO have are so much healthier.
Because both parties are CHOOSING to be there.
When you share boundaries about communication, you connect at a deeper level.
When you share boundaries about love and respect for yourselves, the love and respect for each other reflects that.
Jack and I are mother and son, but we have a deep, soul connection.
We also both have boundaries in place about how we communicate and respect ourselves and one another.
Mine include:
Holding space and being present when I am speaking.
Listening with the intent to empathise and understand, rather than to react or respond.
Waiting for me to invite you to contribute by asking you a question.
Jack knows these boundaries, has taken time to understand and is probably the person I find it easiest to talk with in the whole world as a result of that.
Jack’s include:
Not pressing for him to talk when he needs to be quiet and process.
Speaking to him clearly but very concisely and not expecting him to have an immediate response.
Allowing him to digest and come back to a topic at a later time.
I am not quite as good at embracing his style as he is at mine! – especially in the heat of a moment but the point is I understand, honour and respect his boundaries (and he is good at gently reminding me in a way that I respond well to!) and so we have a very harmonious life.
I literally cannot remember the last time we had any kind of argument or miscommunication.
THAT is light, baby!
That, however is NOT to say that we agree on everything. We have very different ideas about a range of topics.
We also from time to time have different ideas about how two adults live together as mother and son!
But the point is not about agreeing, appeasing or placating.
It’s about understanding, respecting and being open to different personalities and each individual’s boundaries.
It’s about “how do I communicate this in a way that is sensitive to them but also means I get to honour my own truth, so that the outcome is good for us both individually and for our relationship?”
And that might sound like a whole lot of hard work….
But when you love someone, and respect them, and WANT to connect at a deep, soul level, then it doesn’t feel heavy. It feels light, and right, and intuitive, and it feels like LOVE.
Hanni xo
P.S. I have some pretty open ideas on personal growth and so learning, thinking, discussing this stuff is just part of my every day life.
I enjoy learning about myself and others, ‘improving’ or maybe a better word is evolving.
I think it’s healthy and empowering.
And as much as I can jerk around and talk small-talk and joke and play and make up jingles and infomercials for inventions that don’t exist for literally no reason whatsoever…
(If you want to see this side of my life you should watch my insta stories!)
….I don’t feel fulfilled if I don’t get the balance between surface and deep.
How about you?
P.P.S. Jack also has a boundary about selfies. I’ll admit I push that one a bit!! 😉