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It’s easy when we’re together. 

I sense the familiar cues of his horniness, intuit whether he wants a cuddle, or just wants to get up to something filthy after Netflix ‘n’ chill. 

But now another national lockdown has forced us apart, our sex schedules don’t always link up. And after getting more than my fair share of sex and orgasms when we reunited after lockdown one, I immediately forgot what it was like to live without them. 

Sometimes in the morning I wake up after a sex dream and touch the empty side of the bed, realising I’m alone again without my partner-in-crime, I’ll send him a message. I always wake up earlier than him so that can often mean I’d be waiting two or three hours for a reply – and I’m too impatient to wait for him to help me come. 

Fluctuating hormone levels do nothing to help keep us in sync either. I’ll spend days in a heightened state of wanton only for the next to be totally uninterested and hate the idea of seeing his dick. Then there are times when he’s too busy to think about sex, he hasn’t mentioned it in days, and my mind flips around wondering if he even wants to jump my bones any more.

When we’re on the same wavelength and really in the mood, though,it’s fantastic. It starts with a filthy comment in the evening about what we wish we were doing to each other, then a continuous stream of thirsty messages flit back and forth between us well into the early hours of the morning. On we go recounting the details of our previous sexual adventures, which toys from our collection we’d use, where we’d like to do it and so on, until one of us can’t hold off any longer and need to reach that magic ‘o’. 

When those sexy stories have been milked dry, that’s when we call each other on the phone. Over the months we’ve been together we’ve learned to be very vocal about what we want sexually. Luckily it comes naturally to us but when you’re forced into a long-distance relationship, that communication has to reach another level. You simply have to put aside any awkward feelings about performing.

We’ve invested in a very varied (very expensive) toy cabinet, but when only one of us has access they become totally pointless. I have my own vibrators, but how am I supposed to use them without my parents hearing?

Video calls, before you ask, are a lot of stop and start. I ordered outfits ready to make it “fun” and beside the unsexy business of scheduling in a call, things always get in the way: builders, my dog needing attention all the time, our actual jobs. 

So we finally settled on that good old phone sex, under the cover of darkness at 2am – just to be sure my mum is asleep so she can’t hear my urgent moaning, and so his voice in my ear is all I can hear, leading me towards my favourite feeling.

It’s like that giddy feeling when your teenage boyfriend or girlfriend say they’re going to call you and then you spend all day and night practising what you want to say and end up talking about everything and anything. Almost the same, but never quite as long. Hearing my partner’s voice is like my ASMR, each time unlocking something new that I’ve never felt before.

With phone sex we don’t even have to try and physically please each other, which is often the easy part. Instead we get to be selfish but with one common goal: to make each other come. Feeling so comfortable means we can share a moment that is so intimate without worrying about doing the wrong thing. We have to really listen and engage our minds, and, in doing, so we can achieve an orgasm together that is pretty damn satisfying.

And it’s keeping that flame flickering until we can meet again. 

Natalie Corner is a freelance journalist. Follow her on Twitter at @nlcorner

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