Having children changes everything ― mealtimes, holidays, romance and more. One particularly comical effect of parenthood is its impact on your exercise routine.
The funny parents of Twitter seem to think so anyway. They’ve shared some hilarious musings about working out after kids, from child-induced cardio to cleaning up toys as strength training.
We’ve rounded up 40 tweets that sum up fitness for parents. Enjoy!
My daily workout is walking through the house 14 times a day turning off all the lights my kids have left on in every room.
— Goddess Of Mischief™ BLM (@AsgardianRose) June 11, 2015
My favorite form of cardio is wrestling pajamas onto damp children
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 23, 2020
You may not like running for exercise, but if your toddler comes over w/ a panicked face, holding their hiney & says "Hurry!"
RUN. Run fast— Marl (@Marlebean) June 4, 2013
If you're not using the gym solely for childcare, we probably can't be friends.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) February 12, 2016
Kids dug out the Wii and we all did the fitness age test. According to Wii Sports, I'm 77.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) May 24, 2016
Running from the house as soon as the sitter arrives is my cardio.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 16, 2018
An home exercise video for parents where all the lunges are just you going around the house picking up juice box straw wrappers.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 4, 2020
Working out when you're a parent is less actual exercise and more working out how to eat snacks without your kids seeing you.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) August 26, 2018
Me: I’d get up early to exercise, but I’ll be a better parent if I get some sleep. It’s for the children!
Also me: *scrolls twitter until past midnight*
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 4, 2018
Me, walking around with a 3yo and 4yo wrapped around my legs: is this exercising? Am I exercising?
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 1, 2020
I just got winded buckling my toddler into his car seat. So if you're looking for a health and fitness page to follow, I'm clearly your girl.
— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) February 5, 2020
My daughter’s former teacher asked me if I’d be interested in joining her health and fitness group and the fact that she saw what I packed for my daughter’s snack each day should have been a pretty good indicator that I’m not into that sort of thing.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 15, 2018
Listen. I’m raising kids. I think that makes me mentally strong. I shouldn’t be expected to exercise too.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 2, 2018
I pulled a muscle and got floaters in my eyes from trying to show my kids how to do a cartwheel so I won’t be selling my at-home fitness program after all.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) April 26, 2020
[working out]
5-year-old: What are you doing?
Me: Getting healthy.
5: Then why does it look like you're dying?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 16, 2019
My fitness goal is to have the leg strength of my newborn when I'm trying to fasten her diaper.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 13, 2015
We're totally on a family fitness plan. It consists of the kids screaming for me all around the house and me running the other direction.
— Danielle Herzog (@daniellemherzog) January 28, 2016
If you're at home with a toddler and want to get a good workout just follow your toddler around and do what they do. Bunny jumps, froggy jumps, sitting down and getting up from the couch endlessly will get your heart rate going. I had an intense workout this morning.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 15, 2020
I did it & YOU CAN TOO with my Total Toddler Fitness Challenge! Just put each toy your kid touches back where it belongs for 3 straight days pic.twitter.com/YQQ9M1nh1C
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 29, 2017
Mommy are you pooping? Mommy are you going night night? Ridiculous questions a 2yo asks while watching you workout.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 19, 2014
5-year-old: What are you doing?
Me: Exercising.
5-year-old: You sound like you’re dying.
She’s not wrong.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 11, 2020
My favorite form of cardio is racing around trying to hide the evidence of my snacking as my husband walks into the room after his workout
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 9, 2020
My children were pretending to lead a workout class, and one of them stopped and yelled “tater tot break” and this is a fitness trend I can fully embrace.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 15, 2020
Me, to my athletic son: Can you help me develop a diet and fitness plan?
Son, says gently: Mom, here's your plan: Get Off Your Lazy Ass.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) December 29, 2014
Marketing a core strength fitness DVD that's just me installing and uninstalling car seats.
— The Dad (@thedad) June 26, 2018
Our 5yo is playing on our elliptical trainer, and I’m sure he’s gonna hurt himself by either falling off or choking on the inch-thick layer of dust that has accumulated on it since anyone in this house last dreamed of exercising cause kids, amiright?
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) October 12, 2019
6-year-old: Why do you exercise?
Me: Why do you think?
6: Because you like it.
Me: Try again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2020
My toddler just sat down next to me on the couch after my workout and repeatedly poked the stomach roll peeking out between my sports bra and high-waisted compression leggings while laughing….in case you’re wondering about the ways your own offspring will betray you.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) July 30, 2020
Was heading upstairs after my workout in the basement then heard my kids having a recorder battle up there so I guess I live down here now.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) February 15, 2016
I park in the farthest spot possible at the gym for the added benefit of eating my croissan'wich without being judged by people walking by.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 12, 2015
Just texted my daughter in the other room to bring me my Fitbit, which illustrates how well owning one is working out for me.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 20, 2017
My 3yo asked if she could workout with me. I got super excited thinking about my 3yo wanting to join this fitness journey. Then she grabbed a fruit snack and sat next to me while she played a game on her tablet.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 21, 2020
My favorite exercise is the one where I put on my running shoes & then go sit on the couch with a glass of wine.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 15, 2014
Doctor: How often do you exercise?
Me: Are you kidding? I'm a mom. The only time I'm not exercising is when I'm asleep.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 29, 2017
"Your stomach looks like an old man's face."
-How my kids motivate me & cheer me on when I'm working out.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 7, 2016
"I'm wearing exercise clothes and a ponytail. People will think I'm an exercise girl."
-My 5 year old, but also the creators of Lululemon.
— Ash (an new years angel) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) May 14, 2016
I love working out and it seems that both of my kids have developed their own routine.
Theirs involves a lot of grunting and high-intensity flailing of the arms.
I call it P-Whinety-X.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) January 3, 2020
Sure it’d be nice to go to a gym, but since the kids haven’t picked up a toy in their entire lives I get a better workout crossing the living room
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) April 19, 2020
This playdate was going very well until you started talking about physical fitness, Jessica.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) May 13, 2017
It took 5 years but I've finally completed my transformation into mom who only wears work out clothes.
— Sweatpants Cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) July 22, 2015