Every household has its own pecking order. And let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s our canine companion — not our significant other — who’s actually the top dog.
If you’re a dog parent who spares no expense when it comes to your pooch’s lifestyle, consider them your confidant and No. 1 cuddle buddy (sorry, hubby!), lavish them with praise and nonstop belly rubs, then you’ll no doubt relate to the sentiments below.
Check out 32 hilariously honest tweets from couples who treat their dogs better than they treat each other.
Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.
— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2018
1.
I sneezed and my husband didn’t say a word.
Fifteen minutes later the dog sneezed.
Husband FROM UPSTAIRS, “BLESS YOU!”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 26, 2020
2.
If you want to know how I rate in our household, my wife has one term of endearment for me and 74 for our dog.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 24, 2017
3.
[middle of the night]
*wife rolls over*
me: I'm trying to sleep!
*dog sits on my head*
me: Hi puppy— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 6, 2016
4.
My husband has already apologized more to the dog in 3 weeks than to me in 6 years
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) January 6, 2020
5.
Husband: *gets in the shower*
Me: Honey! Come quick! Hurry!
Husband: *soaking wet* What is it? What’s wrong?
Me: Look what the dog is doing. Isn’t he the cutest?
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 18, 2019
6.
My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.
And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020
7.
I like to think my dog follows me to the bathroom so we can gossip about my wife in private.
— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 10, 2020
8.
I will give my wife a back rub for 5 minutes before I get tired but I'll rub my dog's ears for hours until he ends it.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 17, 2017
9.
*Arriving home at the end of the day*
Me: Hi handsome
Husband: Hi
Me: Sorry I was talking to the dog— sophielou (@sophielou) July 17, 2019
10.
Another romantic evening with my husband except it's us watching TV while he cuddles with the dogs.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) July 3, 2017
11.
Me: Don’t forget we’re wearing matching costumes for Halloween.
Husband: Great! What should we be?
Me: I meant me and the dog.
Husband: Of course you did.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) October 7, 2019
12.
WIFE: He never pays any attention to me. All he cares about is that dog.
THERAPIST: is this true?
ME: [sewing swim trunks for the dog] is what true?
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 19, 2018
13.
No one:
My husband: I don't know what your Friday night plans are, but I'm drinking hard seltzer and watching Air Bud with the dogs.
— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) February 28, 2020
14.
*husband snoring*
Me: OMG YOU NEED TO GET YOUR OWN ROOM I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!*my dog snoring louder than my husband*
Me: OMG You are so adorable!— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 5, 2020
15.
My husband asked me to do something creative in the bedroom, so I positioned my three dogs in the shape of a heart and went to sleep.
— Stacey (@skittle624) April 23, 2018
16.
My camera roll:
2% my wife
5% me and my wife
93% our dog— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 22, 2017
17.
*gets home from PetSmart*
me: Don't let the dog see the bag. I don't want her to know where we got her present
wife
me
wife
me: What?— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 11, 2016
18.
My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 24, 2017
19.
Thank god for our dog. She's the only reason my wife lets me turn on the air conditioning.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 25, 2020
20.
Me: Bye! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Husband from another room: Bye! I LO-
Me: Oh, I wasn't talking to you *Goes back to enthusiastically hugging dog*— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 2, 2018
21.
I knew getting a dog would bring my husband and I closer together but I was not prepared for the incredible new level of intimacy and sensitivity he’s displayed… toward the dog pic.twitter.com/uF8kUsojNS
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) April 9, 2020
22.
wife: You're home early
me [hugging the dog] I had to see you— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 3, 2016
23.
[wife returns from overnight work trip]
"Why's there 2 dirty wine glasses??"[flashback to romantic dinner w/ dog]
…it was another woman
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 28, 2015
24.
HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.
ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019
25.
My dog decided she is a teddy bear, and I wake up to her and my husband like this every morning now. pic.twitter.com/Nopf7pbe1O
— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) November 7, 2019
26.
I insisted on making my dog her own pancake and my wife is annoyed with me?? Just because I made us late for therapy?? Big picture, babe. pic.twitter.com/glTdEZxI8L
— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 12, 2020
27.
I convinced my spouse we needed more “security” but mostly I wanted a video doorbell on our backdoor so I could watch live streams of our dogs all day.
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 16, 2019
28.
When me or my wife video call each other it goes like this:
"Hi, where's the dog?"— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 28, 2017
29.
Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.
Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 9, 2020
30.
Dog: *sneaks one of my chips*
Me: aw you sneaky goose 😍
Husband: *sneaks one of my chips*
Me: pic.twitter.com/cSM4YBLj5v
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) August 6, 2019
31.
In an effort to keep our house clean before Christmas, I’ve asked my husband & kids to relocate.
Dogs can stay. I’m not heartless.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 23, 2019
32.
