We all love a cheeky takeaway, don’t we? Curry, Chinese, Thai, burgers, kebabs, pizza… On average, we spend a whopping £451 each on takeaways each year, ordering 34 over 12 months – that’s nearly three a month!  They’re not the healthiest, or cheapest dinner choices. And in the time it takes for a delivery to arrive, or for you to schlep out and get it, you could make your own, eat it, and be on the sofa in front of Netflix.

You deserve better than shelling out for a gristly kebab, so we’re going to suggest you do lots of cheating instead: make your own fakeaways at home, and go meat-free for speed. And with the right meat alternatives and a bit of imagination, meat-free definitely won’t be taste-free. Naked Glory’s mission is to bring you “The Meatiest Thing Since Meat.”

Here are our ideas for perfect fakeaways with a street food vibe that hit the spot, don’t break the bank, and are – dare we say it – healthy.

First, get stuff in

OK, fakeaways lack the spontaneity of takeaways, unless you do a little forward planning and stock up on your supermarket or online food shop. Start with the meat cheat – look for mouth-watering Naked Glory Sausages, Naked Glory Mince, Naked Glory Quarter Pounders and Naked Glory Roast Tenderstrips. You’ll also need carbs – brioche buns, pizza bases, potatoes and flatbreads – and vegetables for salads (don’t forget red cabbage to make the best slaw), cheese (vegetarian or vegan if you prefer), yogurt and your favourite pickles and sauces.

Fakeaway burger and oven wedges

We’re not talking about a miserable little hockey puck in a dry bun here. We’re going for full-on street food opulence with the juiciest, meat free patty,  oozy cheese and dressings, and a tangle of fresh salad in a seeded brioche bun. Start by mixing up a crunchy slaw with grated carrot, paper-thin red cabbage and as much finely sliced red onion as you dare, with some mayo. Cut skin-on potatoes into chunky wedges and toss with a little oil, then season (we love garlic powder, smoked paprika and peri-peri spice). Place them skin-side down, like little boats, on a baking tray in a hot oven for 25 minutes. Grill your luscious Naked Glory Quarter Pounder patties, (don’t forget to warm the buns) and when they are perfectly juicy, use them to build your burgers with salad, cheese, pickles, slaw and dressings. Sprinkle some crunchy sea salt over the wedges and serve, with napkins – you’re going to need them.

Or you can try our Korean-Inspired Naked Glory Quarter Pounder (recipe below)

Fakeaway kebab

Unless you’re planning on a drinking session before you make it, this will be a kebab you remember. And because you’re making it at home, you can serve it like they do in Istanbul – on a plate, not all scrunched up in a rubbery flatbread and chip paper. Cheat on chicken by getting the ‘meaty’ centrepiece – Naked Glory Smoky BBQ Tenderstrips – briefly under the grill alongside a halved tomato and perhaps a couple of fresh long green chillis. Then, knock up some authentic kebab accompaniments: sliced white onion marinated in lemon juice, sumac and flat leaf parsley; Greek yogurt blended with crushed garlic, lemon juice and salt; and a simple lettuce-tomato-cucumber salad. Crack open that jar of pickled chillis for a side order of nose-prickling bitter heat. You can serve your fakeaway kebab and the sides on rice or a quality flatbread. Delicious, authentic, and not a night bus in sight. Afiyet olsun!   

Fakeaway pizza

Someone wants a Meat Feast, someone else wants Spicy Chicken and there’ll always be one who only eats Margaritas. Before you know it, you’ve spent £50 on pizza delivery and all you’ve got to show for it is a pile of greasy boxes. Our fakeaway pizzas are the antidote to empty wallet misery – everyone can have what they want, when they want it, and they taste great.

Of course, you might be one of those home cooks who can rustle up pizza dough and tomato sauce base from scratch. Good for you. For the rest of us mere mortals, buy top-quality supermarket margarita pizzas and pimp them up to individual tastes. Load one with halved Naked Glory No-Meat Balls and Naked Glory Roast Tenderstrips, and recreate Spicy Chicken by loading another with Naked Glory Tikka Tenderstrips. Thinly slice three colours of sweet peppers, mushrooms and onions to scatter on the top, sprinkle with grated mozzarella cheese, and slam in a hot oven for around 15 minutes, or until done to your liking. Boost your five-a-day with extra salad and slaw on the side, and – top tip – the Turkish yogurt from the fakeaway kebab above makes a brilliant garlic pizza dip. No waiting for the buzzing of the delivery scooter, no greasy boxes and everyone’s happy.  

KOREAN-INSPIRED NAKED GLORY QUARTER POUNDER

Ready in about 20 minutes

Ingredients for slaw –

4 tbsp vegan mayo
1 tbsp chilli sauce
2cm piece ginger, peeled and finely grated
½ lime, zested and juiced
½ head pointed cabbage, finely sliced
3 small carrots, peeled into thin strips
2 spring onions, finely sliced
1 red onion, cut into 4 rings then the rest finely sliced
2 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped

Ingredients for Corn pops –

1 cooked corn on the cobs, cut into 6 discs
3 tbsp kecap manis
1 tbsp chilli sauce
½ lime, zested and juiced
1 tbsp sesame seeds

Ingredients for Quarter Pounder –

2 tsp vegetable oil
2 x Naked Glory Quarter Pounders
2 x slices Edam cheese (or vegan cheese)
2 x brioche buns, split (or vegan burger buns)
½ head little gem lettuce, leaves separated
1 large tomato, thickly sliced 

Method –

1. Tip the mayo, chilli sauce, ginger, lime zest and juice into a bowl and mix well until smooth.
2. Add the vegetables and sliced onions and toss to coat in the dressing. Set aside while you prepare the rest of the dish.
3. Place the sweetcorn into a heatproof bowl, cover with heatproof cling film and microwave on high for 2-3 minutes until hot through.
4. Mix the kecap manis, chilli sauce, lime zest and juice together in a bowl then divide between 2 serving bowls.
5. Tip the sesame seeds into 2 serving bowls then stick the corn on the cob discs onto wooden skewers and lay on serving plates, with the sauce and seeds alongside.
6. Heat a griddle until hot.
7. Rub the Naked Glory Quarter Pounders with the oil, then place on the griddle and cook for 6-8 minutes, turning half way through until browned and hot through.
8. Top with the cheese and cook for a further couple of minutes until the cheese has just melted. Season with black pepper.
9. Place the split brioche bases onto serving plates, then layer the lettuce and tomato on top.
10. Layer the Naked Glory Quarter Pounders onto the tomato, top with the red onion rings, some of the yakatori sauce and the brioche lid.
11. Serve straightaway with slaw and yakatori corn pops.