Love can be messy at times. And no one knows that better than married folks.
When you’re living with another person, tensions about household chores will inevitably arise. Sometimes it’s quibbling over whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. Other times it’s getting perturbed when you see beard trimmings or globs of toothpaste in the bathroom sink you just finished cleaning.
Below, we’ve rounded up 32 comical tweets about cleaning that will surely resonate with married people.
My husband unloaded the dishwasher so I guess now it’s time to have a parade for him
— JPo (@Peauxtassium) November 11, 2018
1.
My wife needs 6 bags for a weekend trip but can fit 6 weeks of garbage and a couch into a single bag to avoid emptying the kitchen trash.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 8, 2017
2.
husband: *mopping up pools of blood from the kitchen floor*
me: *walks in* OH MY GOD
husband: babe, I can explain-
me: you’re cleaning 🥰
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) June 12, 2019
3.
The stress from my wife watching me wash the dishes while she waits to dry them is unbearable.
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 24, 2019
4.
[cleaning out our bedroom]
Me: Half of this stuff is junk we don't need.
Wife: The other half is mine.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2018
5.
"You don't load the dishwasher right," I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 6, 2019
6.
I appreciate my husband cleaning before we have guests coming over but he always cleans the weirdest shit. Our kitchen will look like a tornado blew through but instead of putting shit away this dude will be up in the attic scrubbing the walls like “iT hAs To Be CLeAn eMiLy”
— motherducker (@houseandhens) February 3, 2019
7.
Anytime I'm folding laundry and my wife didn't turn her clothes right side out I throw them in the trash and tell her the dryer ate them.
— Forward March (@RunOldMan) June 12, 2020
8.
I opened the dishwasher and it's full of clean dishes and I'm scared my wife is going to know that I know.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2017
9.
Rage vacuuming is like regular vacuuming except you’re married.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 11, 2020
10.
Marriage is basically cleaning the kitchen and then walking away for 2 seconds and then coming back and seeing the kitchen is destroyed again and getting super annoyed over and over again until you die.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 22, 2020
11.
My husband: So the paper towels are up on the top shelf.
Me, at 5’2”: So I’m cleaning up spills with your socks. Got it.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) February 15, 2020
12.
“BUT YOU NEVER REMEMBER THE TIME I CLEANED THE KITCHEN”
~Husbands in every argument
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 19, 2019
13.
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) April 5, 2017
14.
“Where does this go?”
– my husband cleaning
— StaceyLynne (@StaceyLynne_44) March 4, 2018
15.
Wife: Wanna have sex?
Me: Mehhh, I dunno if I’m feeling it tonight
Wife: *Sends pic of a clean, empty sink*
Me: Your ass better be in that bed in 2 minutes.
— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) March 7, 2020
16.
*pile of dishes in the sink*
*laundry hamper overflowing*
*toothpaste smeared across the sinks*
*toys scattered across the house*
Husband: *leaf-blowing the attic*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 17, 2019
17.
My husband and I have this rule that whoever opens the clean dishwasher has to unload it. It’s been full since 1995.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 7, 2019
18.
Husband: I emptied the toaster crumbs & cleaned the toaster.
Me: Aw!!! I was going to do that today!
— Lorie🇨🇦 (@LorieGZ) March 24, 2018
19.
Me: Well, this calls for a celebration *cracks open beer*
Wife: …you took out the trash
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 10, 2018
20.
I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 24, 2018
21.
If one spouse empties the dishwasher and the other spouse isn't around to hear it, did it really happen?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 6, 2020
22.
[aliens invading our home]
Wife: TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, I JUST VACUUMED
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 12, 2019
23.
Female Astronaut: [on historic first all-female space walk]
Husband [texting from Earth]: hey where do we keep the dishwasher detergent
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2019
24.
Me: *just finished cleaning toilets*
Husband: can I pee in our bathroom?
Me: no
Husband:
Me: you can pee outside
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 4, 2020
25.
Pretty sure my wife’s memoir would be called: “Oh my god, just take the extra 2 seconds and put it in the dishwasher.”
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) September 16, 2019
26.
If I ever want my husband to shave I just clean the bathroom.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2019
27.
Can’t wait for my wife to get home and see how clean the bathtub is! Not sure why people told me my 30s would be boring.
— lucy bexley 🦇🌈 (@bexley_lucy) September 13, 2020
28.
Wife: Are you doing what I asked?
Me: Of course I am *vacuum noises*
Wife: Did you just text "vacuum noises"?
Me: *dialtone noises*
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) July 17, 2018
29.
Me: *vacuuming*
Husband: *eating chips on the couch in his underwear* I told you I was about to do that.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 3, 2020
30.
Andddd you officially regret not putting the laundry away when you and your bare assed spouse are standing infront of dumped over laundry bins trying to find something to wear for a Monday.
— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) February 3, 2020
31.
[Married sext]
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven't done the laundry?
ME: No I have not— Abam – defund the police (@AdamBroud) April 22, 2016
32.