Chances are, even the picture-perfect couples you see on social media are secret weirdos behind closed doors.
And with more couples cooped up at home right now, these strange habits are even more apparent than usual. We asked romantic partners to reveal the peculiar things they do when they’re alone together. Some brave souls share theirs below.
Note: Some respondents’ last names have been withheld to protect their privacy.
1. A real handful
“My husband and I have totally been known to both have a hand on the crotch — our own, not each other’s — Al Bundy-style while Netflix and chilling. Only after the kids are in bed, of course, because we’ve got to set a good example.” — Samantha T.
2. Mrs. Pimple Popper
“My husband has the most amazing back spots here and there and I absolutely love popping them. He’s such a baby about it and for being such an enormous man, is very sensitive. But he knows I love it so much that he is happy to let me pop them.” — Gigi Engle
3. Shooting the shit
“My partner and I openly discuss our bowel movements with each other in-depth — e.g. frequency, consistency, size etc. I would never do that with anyone else.” ― Kelsey M.
4. The ghost of Elvis
“My fiancé had a voice he used for his family’s dog, Elvis. Sadly, Elvis died a couple of years back, but that has not stopped my fiancé from continuing to do ‘the voice’ and now pretending that his dead childhood dog haunts our apartment. We’ve continued developing Elvis’ personality in the afterlife and keep Ian’s family up-to-date on what’s new with him: ‘He’s very into Meg Ryan movies right now.’ ‘He’s toying around with a British accent right now because he thinks it makes him sound more distinguished.’ If anyone overheard these conversations, they’d be very confused.” ― Angela Spera
5. Nailed it
“Since I’ve (inexplicably) gotten older and a bit out of shape, I can only reach most of my toenails when I clip. So my wife has to clip my pinky toenails. I’m fairly sure she couldn’t have anticipated THAT when she said ‘I do.’” ― Steve Olivas
6. Love stinks
“My boyfriend and I have no problems with getting weird and gross. I had to suss him out when we first started dating by farting to see if he could handle my level of gross. Fast forward 13 years later and we’re plucking ingrown hairs and popping strange pimples off each other.” — Letitia Kiu
7. Pup parlance
“We baby talk with our doggy son, Parker. By now it’s almost as if we have our own language.” — YaoYao Ma Van As
8. A toothy smooch
“It started out as a joke about first dates: I had said that if you weren’t feeling someone after a first date that you should come into the goodnight kiss completely teeth first. Now we just regularly come at each other with our teeth first and click them together like complete freaks.” — Engle
9. The goose is loose
“On your average weekday morning, I’m hanging out in a shower cap, which has earned me the nickname ‘Mother Goose’ from my fiancé. If I’m not wearing it, he asks, ‘Where’s your hat, Mother Goose?’” ― Spera
10. Doggy ditties
“My wife and I have a song for every occasion involving our dog, there’s the num num (getting fed) song, going to bed song, going outside song, just laying there staring at us song and periodically we will add new lyrics.” ― Dan Regan
11. Double the rubbin’
“One funny thing in our household is that my husband will give both me and our dog a massage at the same time, it’s a family tradition. He is the massage giver and we are the receivers. Never the other way around.” ― D.H.
