Hello.

You’re probably a bit fed up with the general election by now but, the masochist you are, you couldn’t help giving this article a read.

So it’s fitting that contained herein is a heinous collection of utterly soul-destroying moments from the last few weeks that have really driven home how truly naff everything is.

Enjoy. Or don’t…

‘Ugh’ – Boris Johnson drives a tractor through a fake wall 

To be honest, we don’t really want to give this any more attention than it deserves, so yes, the PM drove a tractor through a fake wall.

‘Oh mate’ – Matt Hancock’s fledgling modelling career

Coincidentally, Matt Hancock’s “contemplating the value of our precious Union” pose is exactly the same as some people’s “hey boss, you want some of this skunk?” pose.

‘Oh maaaaaate’ – Michael Gove channels Stormzy

Never should a situation have arisen which necessitated highlighting that Michael Gove is about as far away from a superstar grime artist as it’s possible to be without being an invertebrate but hey ho, it did.

The Tory MP faced an online backlash after tweeting Stormzy lyrics, with some accusing the Cabinet minister of “sanctioning stereotypes” and others wondering whether it was possible to die of second-hand embarrassment.

Gove was responding to the rapper’s support for Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn by claiming the grime artist is “a far, far better rapper than he is a political analyst”.

When shadow education secretary Angela Rayner later tweeted “Michael Gove is crap at both”, Gove responded: “I set trends dem man copy.”

‘Wut?’ – Hugh Grant weighs in on Boris Johnson’s Love Actually parody  

Yes, the above words do actually apply to an event that happened during an election in one of the world’s supposedly leading democracies. 

In fairness, it was a Labour MP’s fault for starting the trend of parodying the famous doorstepping scene in Love Actually, but as we now live in an age future historians will probably refer to as the “The Great Dumbing Down”, the actual prime minister followed suit.

Hugh Grant played a fictional prime minister in Love Actually, and shared his take on the clip during an interview on BBC Radio 4.

“I thought it was quite well done, very high production values, but clearly the Conservative Party have an awful lot of money,” he began. “Maybe that’s where the rubles went.”

The actor quickly added: “I did notice that one of the cards from the original film that he didn’t hold up was the one where Andrew Lincoln held up a card saying, ‘Because at Christmas you tell the truth.’

“And I just wonder if the spin doctors in the Tory Party thought that was a card that wouldn’t look too great in Boris Johnson’s hands.”

‘Wut the…’ – ‘Will you nationalise sausages?’

Question Time host Emma Barnett: “Will you nationalise sausages?”

Angela Rayner: “No.” 

The less said about this the better.

‘Seriously?’ –  PM gets his own Brexit deal wrong

A quick reminder that after Thursday’s vote we still have all the Brexit stuff to contend with.

So in the event of a Tory victory it’s more than a bit disconcerting that last month the PM wrongly claimed his Brexit deal means “no checks” on goods between Northern Ireland and Great Britain in a “rambling” and “incoherent” speech. 

Johnson repeated the claims about the checks, contradicted by his own Brexit secretary and the Home Office, saying his deal would mean “no checks” on goods transported to the region from the rest of the UK. 

A WARNING: All the examples so far have had a touch of the jollies but the reality of this election campaign has been one of dodgy tactics, disinformation and not to mention, a prime minister determined to avoid public scrutiny. 

So with that in mind, the most WTF moments from here on in are not in any way humorous.

‘WTAF’ – BBC’s Andrew Neil issues direct challenge to Johnson

Jeremy Corbyn’s interview with Andrew Neil went very badly for the Labour leader so Johnson took the extraordinary step of dodging his entirely.

This prompted Neil to issue a challenge to the PM to commit to an interview with him in a powerful straight-to-camera monologue.

In the key section of his message, the BBC presenter said the theme running through the questions he would ask is “trust”, and why “in so many times in his career, critics and sometimes even those close to him, have deemed him to be untrustworthy”.

Johnson never accepted the chance to be scrutinised and even hid in a fridge to avoid being questioned by a Good Morning Britain reporter.

‘You genuinely cannot be serious…’ – Question Time audience member claimed his £80,000 didn’t make him a top earner

In a damning indictment of how misinformed parts of the electorate are, last month a member of the Question Time audience savaged Labour and called them “liars” over their manifesto pledge to tax the rich to pay for “real change” in Britain.

The man in question furiously vented that his £80,000-a-year wage didn’t put him in the country’s top 5% of earners – but it very much does.

Let’s just hope everybody has done their research before popping to the voting booth on Thursday… 

‘Can.. can they do that?’ – Tories doctor video of Labour’s Keir Starmer

No, no they can’t. But they did anyway.

‘Please, make it stop’ – No, Matt Hancock’s aide was not ‘punched’ outside a Leeds hospital

One of the more depressing aspects of the election campaign is how much time has been spent debunking falsehoods from journalists, rather than politicians. 

The most egregious example happened just this week when prominent journalists reported as fact false claims made by “senior Tories” that health secretary Matt Hancock was variously “punched” and “assaulted” outside a Leeds hospital. 

The claim was swiftly debunked by video from the scene but not before ITV’s political editor Robert Peston and his BBC counterpart Laura Kuenssberg, tweeted it to their millions of followers.

Both later retracted their claims.

‘Let’s burn everything down and start again’ – The Tories pretend to be a factchecking account

As you’ll no doubt be aware, disinformation, fake news and the perils of utter tripe permeating every aspect of social media is one of major problems of our age.

The Tory government even set up an inquiry to investigate it.

So it is with this in mind that we come to our last and most WTF election moment, when the Twitter account of the Conservative Campaign Headquarters rebranded itself as “FactCheckUK” during one of the televised leaders’ debate.

It then preceded to tweet things like this:

So there you go – in an era of fake news, that’s the actual government being deliberately deceptive in order to dupe you into voting for them.

Let’s burn everything down and start again.