Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from mums and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
“It’s YOUR turn to move the Shelf on The Elf,” and other things overtired couples argue about at 11 p.m.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets 🎄🤶🏻🎅🏼⛄️ (@gfishandnuggets) December 2, 2019
Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid’s dinner plate without asking where they would like it first
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 1, 2019
It’s really rude that potty training a strong-willed 3yo doesn’t count as cardio.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 3, 2019
Think you are chill and laid back? Watch your kid build and decorate a gingerbread house without intervening.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2019
If you'd like to answer the question, "What's that???" a hundred thousand times a day, then having a toddler might be for you.
— Ohio mom of two (@OhioMomoftwo) December 3, 2019
Please respect our privacy at this difficult time while we deal with our toddler who has just entered the “why?” phase.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) December 4, 2019
An advent calendar for dads but it’s just a pair of cargo shorts and each pocket contains a random cable from some electronic that came out in the 90s.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 1, 2019
I sure tell my family, "Don't blame me, I dont make the rules" a lot for someone that makes literally every single rule in this house.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 4, 2019
My toddler has now chewed up and spit out five "grapes" because he's never heard of an olive and won't listen to reason.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 6, 2019
cashier: how old are your kids?
me: two, four, six, eight
cashier: *laughing* who do we appreciate
me: alcohol! *points to cart*
cashier: but damn…
me: yeah
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) December 3, 2019
Parenting 101 when your kids are sick:
1.) Kids have common cold.
2.) Kids sneeze on you as you care for them.
3.) Three days later, kids are better but you and your spouse now have Ebola.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 2, 2019
My toddler would like for everyone to know that she is NOT tired. Her eyes just keep making her face fall asleep.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 30, 2019
Kids: Mom, we need toothpaste!
Me: Cool, you can add it to your Christmas lists.
Me, every time my kids ask for anything in the month of December.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 3, 2019
I’ve done nothing in life that matters to my daughter because I haven’t been in one of the 10000 scooby doo movies
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) December 3, 2019
Yesterday:
My 4yo and me built a Frozen gingerbread house, painted pictures, played 2 games, went to the park, played house, cooked dinner together and then watched a movie.
What she tells her teacher we did yesterday:
"I picked up a dead bug and mommy yelled at me."
— 🎄 Stay at Homies 🎄 (@stayathomies) December 3, 2019
Sorry I’m late. I had to pick all the marshmallows out of my kid’s Lucky Charms.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) December 3, 2019
Me: do you want apple sauce or a granola bar for dessert?
2: yes.
Me: *impressed* alright, alright.
— Mummy Claus🎅🏻🇨🇦 (@ThatMummyLife) December 3, 2019
Me: Good job getting an A on your test
10yo: Thanks, I guessed at most of the answers— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 4, 2019
Me: You have to eat fruit
3: I can’t reach it
Me: Well we tried, come share these M&M’s with me I guess.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 4, 2019
My son has told our Google Mini that it’s his birthday 12 times in a row so it can keep singing “Happy Birthday” to him.
It’s not his birthday, & technology doesn’t always make life easier.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 5, 2019
I forgot to thaw the beef roast so it looks like we are having hot dogs and disappointment for dinner.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@PedersenAhmed) December 4, 2019
Parenthood: When the sound of uncontrollable sobbing during dinner isn't only your own.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 6, 2019