Everyone who told me that I would change my mind about having kids is now telling me how lucky I am not to have kids.

— Nina (I Stand With the WGA) Bargiel (@slackmistress) April 30, 2015

Any guilt over not having kids and cauterizing my vein of the family bloodline goes away when I can spend four hours on a Saturday reading a book.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 19, 2019

Every bag of Doritos is family size when you're single and childless.

— Annekinns (@Annekinns) April 5, 2014

Child-free people considering having kids, take a knee. My son just had a protracted fit over the fact that I refused to locate a specific pair of socks in a giant mountain of laundry all because they're the only ones that don't make his toes "feel crunchy."

Good talk.

— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 3, 2018

When my friends tell me about the joys of having children, I'm always moved by just how tired they look

— Atsuko Okatsuka (@AtsukoComedy) July 15, 2018

I still maintain that the best time to be single and childless is when you're going through airport security checkpoints.

— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) February 11, 2018

Every moment of this child filled trip is an affirmation that I did the right thing by remaining deliberately child free

— Jackie Hoffman (@JackieHoffman16) April 7, 2018

Maybe instead of calling women without children "Childless" we should call them "Well-rested"

— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) September 15, 2015

i just bought $90 worth of nail rhinestones because i am never having children

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) February 1, 2016

auntie shark. cool, confident, childless over 30 lady who loves going to dinner by herself. she doesn’t apologize for dropping f bombs in earshot of her nieces/nephews. airline miles are her love language. statement jewelry is a must. i am auntie shark. auntie shark is me. 🦈

— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) March 21, 2019

i think we should stop calling people ‘childless’ and start calling them ‘freetimewizards’

— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) February 19, 2015

Have set aside half an hour later in which to practice the perfect cat's eye flick with my felt tip eyeliner. #childfree#freelance

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) December 14, 2012

I'd be angry about Mother's Day, being an uncelebrated Childless myself, but really, every day but Mother's Day is Yay! I'm Childless! Day.

— Mary Gillis (@living_marble) May 10, 2015

isn’t it wild that people continue having children even though my niece already exists? like what’s the point????????

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) June 20, 2019

Hey people that can sleep until noon, what's that like not having kids or dogs?

— EnvyDaTropic™ (@envydatropic) December 31, 2014

I'm not having kids so I guess I'll have to settle for the only other true mark of adulthood: a Costco membership

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) November 3, 2017

don’t call it ‘not having children’ just tell people you aren’t kidding yourself

— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) June 1, 2014

If you’re undecided about having kids, listen to someone cough for 8 years straight and see how you like it.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 23, 2019

The great thing about being an uncle is being able to give the kid back when they start crying 👶🏽

— Rob Rolfe (@enterrob) November 10, 2015

It's weird that people are still having kids when the Internet provides us with baby otters that won't grow up to hate you.

— Nina (I Stand With the WGA) Bargiel (@slackmistress) March 22, 2019

If you’re a childless adult living in Los Angeles seasons mean literally nothing.

— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) September 1, 2018

“I'm not childless, darling. I am childfree.”

— Whores of Yore (@WhoresofYore) March 19, 2019

You know what one of the things I miss most from my childfree days? Brunch. kids just don't get the combined meals.

— Rhiana Maidenberg (@marriedwtoddler) February 17, 2013

I'm 38 years old and childless and I'm shopping for a swing set for my backyard
you can't tell me how to live

— Jess Fink 🌈🔥 (@JessFink) August 2, 2019

I like being an uncle because there's no such thing as a deadbeat uncle.

— Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) November 8, 2017