Six in 10 people feel they know little or nothing about the final hours of life, new research suggests. More of us get our understanding of death from talking to family and friends or personal experience than from doctors or nurses – and our biggest worry is loved ones being frightened or in pain while they are dying.

The Academy of Medical Sciences worked with Ipsos MORI, interviewing 966 adults face-to-face – but one third of those questioned chose not to answer questions about end of life, suggesting death remains a taboo topic for many.

Alejandra Solis, 38, from Bramhall, Greater Manchester, is baffled by the British stiff upper lip attitude. In her native Mexico, she says, “death is viewed as part of life” – and even celebrated with the annual Day of the Dead party.

“I have always thought it weird that culturally English people don’t talk about death,” says the mum-of-two. “If you think about it, we are all dying. We will just die at different times. We talk about birthdays and other milestones. Death is the final milestone – so why not talk about it?”

Solis, 38, who is married to Peter and has children Oscar, eight and Lydia, five, found herself facing her own mortality when she was unexpectedly diagnosed with incurable breast cancer just over a year ago. 

She got the diagnosis after “feeling odd and a bit out-of-sorts”. She underwent tests, including a breast check, and her GP found a lump and was given an urgent referral. “I had felt the lump myself, but thought it would go away when my period came,” she says. “I was quite relaxed and didn’t think it was anything to worry about.” 

Even when she was informed she had stage 1 breast cancer, Solis felt confident she could get through a tough year of surgery, scans and chemo. But when surgeons performed a mastectomy, they discovered more lumps and further investigations showed the cancer had reached her bones – in her spine, femur and ribcage. 

She was told the cancer was Stage 4 with no cure and given a prognosis of between three and five years. “I remember thinking: ‘This is unbelievable. I am 37, relatively healthy and fit – how can this be happening to me?’” she says.

Solis is now having treatment to control the cancer and while she is determined to research the latest cures and outsmart the disease, she is not shying away from the prospect of death – and has already planned her funeral which she wants to be fun and celebratory, rather than the “traditional, boring” affair.

She has even found a company that will turn her into a firework that will be launched into the sky as part of a spectacular display. 

“Funerals are usually quite morbid so I thought rather than a sad thing, I wanted mine to be a happier gathering,” she says. “I like Prosecco and I like jazz, so I am going to have a jazz band and Prosecco at my funeral.” 

And the fireworks display. “I will be the last firework which will be pink and spell out ‘ciao’,” she says. ”I thought this would be cool as I would be everywhere rather than in a graveyard.”

[Read More: Rise Of The Fun Funeral: Inside The UK’s Quirkiest Send-Offs]

Solis adds: “I have had a lovely life so far which has been full of colour and excitement. I would rather be remembered for that than for sad or morbid memories or for having cancer.

“I think people should talk more about dying and their wishes. When it gets closer to the time, I will talk to my husband and children about my death and prepare them for it.”

But this open attitude towards death is not the norm. Research from Macmillan Cancer Support reveals millions of people are shying away from talking to their loved ones about death and are putting off making arrangements, risking practical and emotional consequences for those left behind.

Findings show three in five (62%) people in the UK have not spoken with their family and friends about their wishes in relation to their death, while more than a third (36%) of people said they have not done any planning for their death. 

Meanwhile, almost one in four (23%) people who had been recently bereaved said they did not know all of their family or friends’ wishes, and had experienced emotional, financial or practical issues as a result. 

[Read More: 5 Things We Learned From The BBC’s ‘We Need To Talk About Death’]

“Death is something all of us will face at some point and being diagnosed with cancer often forces people to think about their mortality, whatever the prognosis,” says Dr Karen Roberts, chief nurse at Macmillan Cancer Support.

The charity is calling for everyone, at whatever stage of life they are, to talk about their wishes and start their important death planning. “This includes decisions on how and where you would like to be cared for at the end of life, choosing the funeral you would like, the legacy you want to leave behind and who you want to remember in your will,” says Roberts.

And following its research into attitudes to death, the Academy of Medical Sciences is launching The Departure Lounge in a shopping centre in south London, where visitors can drop in and ask any questions about dying.

Samixa Shah from London, who is in her 50s and was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2012, has already made a will. “I’m a very practical person and while I never thought I was going to die when I was diagnosed with cancer, I did feel that I needed to get my affairs in order,” she tells HuffPost UK.

“Part of this is to do with the fact that my husband is blind and I’m his carer. I’ve made a list of things I do to help my husband and I’m trying to see where that can be delegated.

“For me it’s about making the burden more manageable for my family.”

Max Cassily, 28, from Kent, was bereaved last year when his mum Nanda died from breast cancer. “No one wants to hear that their mum is going to die,” he says. “At first we were in denial, but then we decided that it was time to stop fighting it, and, no matter how difficult it was, we had to accept what was going to happen. We had to talk about it, plan for it, cry about it, everything.”

Discussing the practical arrangements, like his mother’s funeral, was incredibly tough, he says, but the tears and awkwardness were worth it. “In the end, we took a lot of comfort from knowing we were doing exactly what she wanted.”

For Alejandra Solis, knowing she may not be around for many years has reinforced her desire to create lots of happy memories with her family.

“My five-year-old daughter has been talking about getting married and having babies and I realised I would not be around for that,” she says. 

“So I asked my mum to send my wedding dress over from Mexico and we dressed up and played at weddings and had a photoshoot. It was a lovely and happy day and we created some special memories.”

Alejandra is supporting Macmillan Cancer Support’s Let’s Talk About Death campaign – visit macmillan.org.uk/letstalkaboutdeath. Macmillan supports Dying Matters Awareness Week, which runs from 13 to 19 May. More information on The Departure Lounge is at departure-lounge.org