If you believe in ‘tradition’, you might also believe in this order of doing things: engagement, marriage, then kids. But many couples choose to mix up the order – or to miss one or two stages out altogether. 

Such as Jacinda Ardern. The New Zealand PM, who’s 38, recently announced she was set to marry her partner, TV presenter Clarke Gayford, 41.

The pair are parents to 10-month-old Neve Te Aroha, and Ardern has previously paid tribute to her partner for “taking up a huge part of that joint responsibility”. 

“He’s a parent too, he’s not a babysitter,” she told Radio NZ. 

According to the Office for National Statistics, the most common family type in the UK in 2017 was the married or civil partner couple family – with 12.9 million families living in this kind of set-up. 

[Read More: This Is How Much Weddings Really Cost Around The World]

So what is it like, getting married after you’ve had kids? Is it a joy to walk down the aisle with a toddler or young child, or a hassle – particularly if you have to breastfeed in your wedding dress?

We spoke to nine parents who did it to find out …

“My wedding day was the best – but planning it on maternity leave was stressful!”

Hannah, from London, said that she and her partner had been together for a decade, but had never got around to it. That changed when they had their daughter. “We felt we wanted to be a proper ‘family’,” she said. “We ended up hiring an ‘event nanny’ for the day, and we actually got to spend some time together. I was breastfeeding, so I had to keep going off every couple of hours, but having the extra help meant we could all enjoy it – grandparents too.

 

“We ‘upgraded’ when the law allowed LGBTQ+ couples to marry”

Clare, from Manchester, had a civil partnership before getting married. “We ‘upgraded’ to marriage when our son was four-months-old, when the law allowed us to. It wasn’t a big thing – just a quick trip to the registry office in our jeans to sign some forms. We were basically already married, just legally called something different.”

 

“We bathed the baby in our wedding clothes!”

Hannah, from Jersey postponed her wedding after finding out she was pregnant. “Our son was 11 months when we got married,” she said. “We bathed him in our wedding clothes so he would still go to bed on time, and he vomited on my husband just before I walked down the aisle. In our wedding video you can hear him telling me repeatedly that the baby had been sick on him!”

 

“I’m organising our wedding – after 10 years and three kids!”

Vicki, from Cornwall, said: “We weren’t in a comfortable enough financial situation previously to consider it, but now I’m having great fun with my daughters as together we Pinterest ideas for the dresses, cake and flowers. They are hilariously opinionated as to what will be required – apparently white lace gloves are a MUST for any decent and respectable flower girl! They even helped us select our venue, which conveniently has soft play and an animal farm on site! To me a wedding symbolises unity and happiness and our kids are the epitome of that.”

 

“It was the hottest day in history – breastfeeding was sweaty!”

Rachel, from London, said getting married with a 12-week-old baby wasn’t the best for decision making. “I’m talking a brown dress decision – not choice of husband,” she said. “It was the hottest day in history, breastfeeding was sweaty!

 

“We said we’d marry ‘once everything went back to normal’”

Milli, from Somerset, said she got engaged while pregnant 12 years ago. “Three kids later, we are still not married!” she said. “We said we would do it ‘once everything went back to normal after the baby’. We’re still waiting for that to happen!”

 

“Children were much more of a priority than marriage”

Helen, from London, is planning her wedding for next year. “I have a two-year-old and I’m pregnant now,” she said. “We’re not religious, so children were much more of a priority than marriage. I’m in my late 30s, so it made more sense. Also, pre-kids we travelled a lot – including an around-the-world trip – and, to us, that was money much better spent.”

 

“We did it for the paperwork”

Jane, from Bedford, got married while pregnant with her second child. “We did it to get the legal paperwork squared away,” she said. “We were totally uninterested in all of the hassle and expense of a ‘proper wedding’. We had the smallest ceremony ever – just two witnesses at the registry office, followed by a nice lunch!”

 

“Married couples get huge tax reductions”

Nadine, from Salzburg in Austria, said her decision to get married was financial. “We got married when our twins were three-and-a-half years old,” she said. “The main reason was the taxes in the country we had moved to a few months prior to the wedding. Married couples get huge reductions. Of course we also love each other, but personally I wouldn’t have needed a piece of paper and a registry entry to prove that.”