Anyone who knows me is aware I’ve been a mess. For the past four years I’ve been struggling. And on a gradual decline. Epically so. It’s not my fault, or anyone else’s – just the way it is. Life is no walk in the park and we all go through our troubles. Some people can manage and others can’t. And in that respect, is totally individual.

In early 2015, I went through a traumatic event, which I thought would be able to manage. Just pretend it never happened. The irony was it wasn’t the event itself that triggered me, it was the fact I was unable to do anything about it. It was easier to carry on, like nothing had happened. But, like all traumatic events, it eventually catches up with you.

Instead, I turned to self-medicating, so it was easier. It took the edge off. Wine became my best friend. It helped, in the short-term to get through. Obviously in the long-term, it resolves nothing. But at the very least, it gives you that temporary escape. Yet, I was ‘functioning’ with life and work at least. Again, simply trying to ‘get on’ with it, feeling like the show must go on. I had a charity to run. It was highly dependent on me. And I was dependent on it to keep myself going.

Eventually, one by one, everyone who knew me personally and/or professionally, clicked that something was not right. Denial is easy, just to reassure that I was ‘fine.’ Ignorance is bliss and especially so if you are in denial. And yet, I wasn’t in denial about my mental state or drinking – I was in denial about the ‘trigger.’ Nothing can change the past, so you have to accept and live with it. Nothing can erase the hurt and the pain. Everything continues to build up inside you until you cannot take it anymore.

So I overdosed on more than one occasion. I’ve been to A&E on more times than I can care to count. And have been admitted to psychiatric hospital three times this year and far from out of the woods.

One of the best decisions I made this year was to step back from the charity I founded. For far too long I prioritised the charity over my well-being and recovery. I’ve learned many lessons from this experience. Helping others, charitable do-gooding and changing the world is all very well, but ought not come at the cost of total self-sacrifice. If we can’t practice what we preach ourselves, I dare to say: what’s the point? Self-sacrificing is not courageous and inevitably leads to burn out.

Still, I’m enthusiastic, passionate and committed about the cause. Nothing has changed in that regard but have learned as of now I need to pursue it all in a different way. Your health and well-being is what matters most. Self-care is key. Otherwise, it’s all for nothing.

Ultimately, I have no regrets or apologising for being ill and will continue to focus on what I need to do to get better, however long it takes.

Useful websites and helplines:

• Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393
• Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI – this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill.)
• The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email: help@themix.org.uk
• Rethink Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0300 5000 927 (open Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on www.rethink.org.