Things I Always Wanted To Share…

It can be hard knowing someone who has a mental health problem. There is no easy way to say that. And even though I have lived with a mental health problem, at times I still struggle to know what to say to those I love who are struggling. It is tough.

I always found it hard being completely honest with anyone about my mental health, whether it was a boyfriend, my friends or my family. When do you tell them? Is it necessary to tell that person? What will they think if they find out this girl they like nearly died from anorexia and spent a year in a mental health hospital?

It annoys me that it is so different from a physical illness that people can be so open about this but yet as soon as the word mental health is mentioned, people worry.

But why?

Everyone has mental health, it’s just some of us struggle with ours.

The past year has been tough mentally, I felt like a complete failure, started to flirt with my anorexia and wanted to escape from it all. Weeks would go by when I would wake up each morning with a flood of emotions; I didn’t know how to deal with it, I was distracted, frustrated that I didn’t know how to deal with them, angry that after so many years of being well my mental health was fighting back. That my anorexia, that manipulative bitch was running me back down in to the ground.

I didn’t know how to cope and didn’t want to hurt those closest to me so I resorted to what I do so well and I shut down my emotions.

If I could turn back time I would have opened up.

I would have told you how I felt.

I would have trusted you with my emotions, trusted you would help but I couldn’t.

I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I felt like I had let you and everyone else round me down.

This year has been hard but what I have learnt is:

– Be honest with those closest to you about how you really feel

– Be honest with yourself if you are struggling. Wearing a mask is so tiring, it sucks all the life out of you

– Keep fighting – it is worth it. Suicidal days are hard but no one would be better off without you. You are worth so much more than you realise. And don’t ever forget that!

– For partners, friends and family – don’t be cross that they haven’t shared everything with you. They have done it to protect you not to hurt you.