One of the biggest changes parenthood brings to your life is its effect on mealtimes.
Once a time of serenity and indulgence, dinner turns into an occasion for tantrums and messes when kids get involved. Breakfast becomes a marathon. Lunch becomes a bargaining session.
Fortunately, parents can vent their frustrations on Twitter. We’ve rounded up 50 relatable tweets about mealtime with kids, from picky eaters to epic food messes.
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 12, 2014
Me, before I had kids: My kids will EAT what I put in FRONT OF THEM!
— Ohio mom of two #BLM 🏳️🌈 (@OhioMomoftwo) June 16, 2020
Me, this week: peeling the breading off of Wendy's chicken nuggets (because it's "too spicy") so the 3yo will eat it.
You learn. You change.
There is little difference between how a horse eats hay and the way my children consume spaghetti.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 22, 2015
DAUGHTER: I don’t want that for dinner.
— The Dad (@thedad) July 21, 2019
ME: What do you want?
DAUGHTER: Noodles.
ME: …This is noodles.
DAUGHTER: I don’t want that.
ME: I don’t…I don’t know where we go from here.
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016
Family dinners are fun because we start out as a family of 6 & then after everyone gets in trouble for acting up it’s a dinner for two.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 25, 2020
9yo: What can I have for lunch?
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 6, 2019
Me: What do you want?
9yo: What are my options?
Me: You literally eat 5 things.
Son: What's for dinner?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 10, 2018
Me: Fish.
*He screams, starts hyperventilating, loses all control, begins to break from reality*
Son: (suddenly stops) Wait. Have I ever had fish?
My 6 y/o takes, on average, 14 years to finish his dinner.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) April 10, 2020
Sometimes I like to live dangerously by putting ketchup on my kid’s dinner plate without asking where they would like it first
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) December 1, 2019
Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) April 15, 2013
Kids don’t have breakfast, lunch & dinner times. They have food spilling, stealing & throwing times. And those are all of the time.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 7, 2017
Me: stop playing with your food
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 21, 2017
Son: if you didnt want me to play with my food then why did you get me dinosaur chicken nuggets?
M: touchė
*dinner requests at grandmas*
— Chris (@GettingMyDadOn) December 28, 2019
6- Can I have a pancake?
Grandma- What did your dad say?
6- He said no.
Grandma- I'll make you three pancakes for dinner.
Me: Can you go tell your brother that dinner is ready?
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 23, 2020
Son: *standing one inch from my ear* DINNER IS READY!
Parent Mealtime Hack:
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) March 2, 2018
“It’s chicken!” Seriously. No matter what it is. Just call it chicken.
Flex on your kids by calling your new dinner recipe "Ew Disgusting" before they do.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) February 24, 2020
when my daughter asks me how much more dinner she needs to eat to get dessert i like to answer in abstract quantities like 'the average weight of joy' or 'seven sunsets' to teach her that life often doesn't make sense and also quit sassing me and eat your peas, kid.
— blank 🧼👏😷🆒 (@mister_blank) April 1, 2019
Wish I was as brave as my kid who just ate zero bites of her dinner and then asked for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 30, 2018
Parenthood is full of surprises. Fix your child's favorite breakfast, yogurt with peaches, and SURPRISE! They now hate yogurt. And peaches.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 22, 2017
My apologies to anyone who has to eat dinner with one of my children in the future. Please know I tried.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) February 21, 2016
"I am not your butler" I said to my kids as I made each of them a different dinner and made sure the foods weren't all touching.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 30, 2019
Took my kids out to dinner & was quickly reminded why I never take them out to dinner.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 15, 2017
Kid questions at lunch like “why is milk white?” and “why do chickens have fingers?” are adorable, and also surprisingly effective birth control.
— Just J (@junejuly12) June 29, 2019
I hope to someday be as confident as my 3 year old who thinks she’s having fruit snacks for breakfast.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 12, 2019
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014
Tonight's child meltdown brought to you by a restaurant that used real cheese in their mac-n-cheese instead of the powdered stuff.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 23, 2017
[dinner time]
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) July 15, 2020
me: what would you like to stare at for twenty minutes and then throw away?
kids: whatever’s the most difficult to make
If my kids lived in the movie A Quiet Place:
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 4, 2020
Me: (whispering) Be very quiet or the aliens will eat us.
My kids: EAT? IS IT TIME FOR SNACK NOT THAT SNACK WE WANT CHIPS EWW APPLES CAN WE PLAY WITH PLAY DOH
Me: SHUT UUUUUUP
Aliens: lol hey dinner and a show
Me: didn't you wear that shirt yesterday?
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) February 11, 2020
Son: yes, didn't we have chicken for dinner yesterday?
Touché kid
Kids: What’s for dinner?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 23, 2020
Me: I’m making Chicken, Broccoli and Ziti Alfredo.
Kids:
Me: wut
Child 1: I don’t want broccoli in mine.
Child 2: I don’t want chicken in mine.
Child 3: I don’t want chicken or broccoli.
Child 4: Can you rinse off-
Me [picking up phone]: Pizza it is.
Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015
An M&M.
In half.
They should sell food in tiny, one-bite portions for when your child says they want to try something new, then takes one lick and declares it gross.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 29, 2019
Asking my kids what they want for dinner is a great way to make one kid happy and three kids cry.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 25, 2018
My favorite thing is to rush home after a long work day and make a dinner I have to threaten my kids to eat and then finish the work I’ve brought home while my still hungry kids beg for 10 snacks til they go to bed
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 12, 2020
Some nights you have the energy to battle a kid to eat vegetables at the dinner table and other nights you let them take bites out of a block of cheese for dinner because whatever
— The Dad (@thedad) December 17, 2019
My kids want me to make homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch. Like, who do they think I am? The Cheesecake Factory?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 16, 2020
Things that will happen before my kid finishes his dinner:
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) April 13, 2020
– Halley's Comet will return
– Pigs will fly
– I will get a replacement liver for the one I ruined while waiting for him to finish eating
Have kids so you can listen to miniature versions of yourself cry because you cut up a pancake instead of leaving it big.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2017
Mealtime with a kid:
— Abhorrent Housewife (@abhorrent_wife) June 10, 2013
Eyes well up
Don't want that
Tears
Hissy fit
More tears
Taste it
Like it
Ask for it for the next 374 days in a row
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 2, 2020
3: Cheeseburgers
Me: No we can’t ha…wait
I’ve reached the level of parenting where when my kids ask “what’s for dinner?” I just skip directly to the part where I tell them they’re going to have to eat it anyway.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 3, 2018
You know those download progress bars that randomly pause and then inexplicably add more time? That's my kid eating breakfast.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) May 23, 2017
Daughter: dessert?
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 18, 2019
Wife: you have to eat more dinner first
Daughter: but that means less room for cookies
Me: *puts down fork* that’s an excellent point
[waitress brings out the food]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
5-year-old: I don't like pancakes.
Me: Then why did you order pancakes?
5: I panicked.
At lunch time my toddler asked me for more food. Right as I put her plate down with more food she said no thanks I'm done then I looked at her and said that's not for you and I sat down at the little table and started eating my food. The look of defeat on her face, priceless.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 17, 2020
ME: [ with first kid] Alright I made chicken and veggies for dinner. For a snack you can have carrots.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 1, 2019
[3 kids in]
KID: Dad can I have this for dinner [holds up bag of reeses pieces]
ME: literally do not care. have at it.
[At dinner]
— Tim 👊🏿👊🏾👊🏽👊🏼👊🏻👊 (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
I didn’t read any parenting books but I assume it’s totally cool to bow out of feeding your kids if mealtime gives you an ulcer. Can anyone verify?
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 14, 2018