Kids may say the darndest things, but parentstweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week we round up the most hilarious quips via Twitter from mums and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
40% of parenting small children is just saying “wow” and “cool” when you don’t mean it.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) May 24, 2020
I want the confidence of a toddler who picked out her own outfit.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 27, 2020
You feel like you’re an okay parent winging it as best as possible and then you ask your almost 4yo what her favorite number is and she says “A”.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 25, 2020
So my 3 year old was drifting off to sleep last night when she suddenly popped up and said to me:
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) May 25, 2020
“We are now on a different planet”
Then she immediately fell asleep.
Sooooooo… yeah.
😳
8-year-old: Are we having pizza tonight?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2020
Me: No.
8: Can you check again?
If you’re not power napping on the toilet are you even a parent?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 25, 2020
I wish someone had told me this parenting law:
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 26, 2020
The more excited I am about an activity with my kids, the less they will care about it.
My 6 yr old just got mad at me and told me to mute myself
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 28, 2020
My 3-year-old calls corn on the cob porn on the cop and I will never correct him.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) May 25, 2020
“Can you help me with this?”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 25, 2020
– every kid, nearly every minute of the lockdown
My kids were crushed when I told them our Disney trip was canceled.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2020
Partly because that’s the first they even heard of any Disney trip since we'd never planned one, but at least now they'll think we did.
If you don't have one child you can trust to spy and tattle on their siblings, you're doing it wrong.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) May 25, 2020
(5 year old on his iPad reading app)
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) May 27, 2020
Me: whatcha doing?
5 year old: looking up ways you can get stronger.
Me: Why?
5 year old: so you can play The Rock in my movie.
Me: I can’t do that as I am?
5 year old: …
If my kids wind up growing into sociopaths and they question me for a Netflix special, I plan on answering all interview questions with “whoopsie doodle.”
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) May 27, 2020
My daughter’s principal made a surprise visit to every 5th grader’s house to hand out “class of 2020” bags, t-shirts, and beach towels.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 28, 2020
Let me tell you, you haven’t lived until you’ve stood in your doorway braless in pajamas chatting with your kid’s principal.
I gave the kids a big amazon box to play with and they all climbed inside and seemed happy so I taped up the box and returned it to amazon I’m sure they’re fine
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 25, 2020
Don’t ever tell a child you’re going to do something with them before you’re ready to start the activity. They will be on you like white on rice. pic.twitter.com/278Wr75ifO
— Rideshare to FREEDOM 💣💣💣 (@Steph_I_Will) May 21, 2020
My kids always ask for things like, "Can I have four cookies because I'm four?"
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) May 25, 2020
By that logic, can I have 30 million dollars because I'm thirty?
Renamed my oldest kid Netflix because he's always asking, "Are you still watching?" even when he's showing me shit I've already seen.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) May 27, 2020